I Find a Note That's Not So Nice!


August 10, 2000

Look at this note that one of my human's friends, Ormond, sent him. It was written by Smokey, her cat. I don't understand that cat. I tried as best I could to be friendly and do noses, but all he did was sit there looking royal and hiss at me. I just don't understand cats!!!


Hello, world. My name is Smokes and I am of the feline persuasion. I live in a large and lovely home with my person, The Mommy, and my little brother, Mister Tipster. We usually refer to him as "Tips". I love my home in Annapolis, Maryland very much. The Mommy has done a pretty good job of making it feline-friendly: soft floors, lots of poofy places to nap, big windows through which to watch birds and bugs.

I spend much of my life enjoying my home. Another responsibility I have is to remind The Mommy when to do what. I must make sure she wakes up at the right time; I see that she feeds us when needed; I jump on the counter next to the kitchen sink and make     her turn on the water for me to drink; I take her to bed at the proper time. She keeps me fairly busy running her life.

Another job I pay close attention to is watching over Tips. His ears get dirty and need a             clean up nearly every day. He also tends to bother The Mommy, so I often have to distract him. If that doesn't work, I just get close to him and give him a glare or two and he'll wander away. When the doorbell rings, I take him upstairs and put him under the bed so he'll feel safe. Then I go back downstairs to see what's up.

In fact, that's just what happened the other day. After the doorbell rang and I got Tips upstairs, I went back down to an astounding scene! There was The Mommy's friend who had some great, big red and white monster with a huge mouth all tangled up in some kind of rope or something. I was simply outraged! How dare The Mommy let that thing inside my house!! I sat on the stairs and gave him my most frightening glare. I really worked on that look. It seemed to stop him in his tangled tracks for a while. They all went over to that new thing The Mommy has where she punches things with her fingers and looks at this other thing that looks like a little TV. While they did that, I came down the stairs and sneaked up close for a better look at the monster. Did he look silly up close! He couldn't sit still, I made him so nervous. It was indeed time for a lesson. I got up, turned my back on him and strolled slowly into the dining room. There I sat, quite placidly, it seemed to him, I'm sure. Actually, I was furious!

But, It worked! The monster and his human left! Fortunately, The Mommy did, too, or I             would probably have bitten her. I had calmed down by the time she got back. And when she did get back, she paid me a lot of attention and called me her "big, fat bad, baby             barrel-boy". This always makes me feel good, so I forgave her. But I can tell you, if that monster shows up here again, everyone is going to be sorry.

The Mommy later told the monster's name is Jake. Not any more........I've re-named him. He'll always be "Jake, the Snake" to me!!!


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